Self-Care: A Journey To Happiness

Today, I want to share with you a personal post on self-care. On my journey to rediscovery, I found that I have been subconsciously neglecting myself. I say subconsciously because it was something I did without even knowing I did it. 

It didn’t seem like it at first, because I enjoyed doing things for others. I liked helping and always gave with all my heart. However, in the midst of constantly giving – I lost myself.

I found myself unhappy. Why was I so unhappy? I had a great husband, supportive family and friends, an amazing son, two loving furbabies, and a good career. What more could I ask for? 

Depression

What I failed to realize was that I gave all of me and by giving all of me, I forgot who I was. Self-care was non-existent in my world and in all honesty, I fell into depression. Depression is a scary monster that creeps up on you when you least expect it. 

I was unhappy because I wasn’t myself. But most importantly, I was unhappy because I lost myself. I didn’t know who I was anymore because I made myself small. How could I have neglected the one person who made me, me?

Self-care is an important topic and I am glad there are more discussions about it nowadays. It extends to more than just a monthly spa date. 

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This got me thinking about some of the things that we do, which aren’t in our best interest and are detrimental to our self-care. These are bad habits that we need to kick to the curb NOW. In doing so, we can preserve our sanity and really take proper care of ourselves. Building self-care into your routine will lead to a happier you.

So pick up your big boy or girl pants because we are taking action TODAY! We are putting a STOP to these 10 bad habits NOW so we can unapologetically be OURSELVES!

10 Bad Habits To Break

1. Permission To Say NO: 

While trying to please others, you always say yes. Even when you don’t want to, because you are a genuinely nice person. You want to help, you want to be of service. 

However, saying NO isn’t necessarily a negative thing. We fear that if we say NO to friends, families, or colleagues it will ruin our relationships with them. That isn’t the case. Give yourself permission to say NO to things. If you don’t know where to start, you can simply say No Thank You. 

2. Negative Self-talk: 

Many of us do this to ourselves, and sometimes in a humorous way. Let’s stop it! We all need to understand that no one is perfect! We all are a work in progress. 

Negative self-talk is detrimental to ourselves and it will negatively impact our self-care. When we mentally put ourselves down we become our own worst critics.

We fail to realize that there will be good days and there will be bad days.  Don’t internalize and say things to yourself that would hurt if it came out of someone else. STOP IT! We must stop talking to ourselves as though we are not ENOUGH when WE ARE ENOUGH. 

3. Toxic Relationships: 

Being in a healthy relationship, whether it be romantic or friendship is wonderful. Nonetheless, if you are in a relationship with someone and that person constantly makes you feel bad or drains you of your positivity.  

Then that relationship is not the healthiest relationship for you. Sometimes the kindest thing that you can do for yourself and them is to walk away.

4. Seeking Approval From Others: 

Let’s be honest. We are not going to please everyone 100% of the time. If we live our lives with the need to get approval from those around us, then we subject ourselves to be dependent on their moods, opinions, and judgments. 

By putting the opinions of others before you, you are putting yourself LAST! This means you chose to neglect your well-being and ignore self-care.

Stop It! Understand that you are not for everyone and everyone is not for you. That is OK. Instead, focus on being true to yourself and do what you feel is right, kind, and do your best! 

5. Not Following Your Dreams: 

Fear of the unknown is the monster that keeps us away from our goals and dreams. The fear of putting ourselves out there and failing makes us vulnerable.  

Sometimes the fear of failure is so great that we don’t even try. But the most terrifying thing is that we go through life not trying. Only to end up with regrets. It’s not about what you did in life but about what you didn’t do. Kobe Bryant says, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” 

Imagine the life you want and taking action to start living that life. Don’t be afraid to make the leap, because you are worth it! If you fail, get back up and do it again!

6. Making excuses:

As human beings, we all have a difficult time facing and accepting the truth. We all know the things that we NEED to do to get us where we NEED to be. However, we set these tasks and decisions last. Sometimes we use excuses like “I can’t” or “I couldn’t” to avoid getting the tasks or decisions done too. 

We need to STOP making excuses! Procrastinating isn’t going to help any situation and your life. In order to be where you need to be, you must take the first step and STOP MAKING EXCUSES. Saying things like “I can’t or couldn’t” is counted as negative self-talk. All things are possible.

Instead, put these tasks and decisions as your first priority in your day. Once you have them done, then you can move on to other things that you enjoy doing. Such as reading a book or simply watching TV.

7. Not Doing What You Love:

Whenever I meet people, I am told that they aren’t doing what they love. Why? Because it doesn’t pay the bills. I can sympathize because I was on that boat once. 

For many years, I didn’t do what I loved and it was excruciatingly painful. I watch myself die a painful death. So was it better to suffer in a job that paid your bills but you hated? Or suffer not getting paid enough but doing what you love?

You OWN every decision YOU MAKE in life! Why settle for things that don’t make you happy or things that don’t bring you joy? Start today by doing the things you love. 

It doesn’t necessarily have to be a new career. You can start small. If you loved painting, get back into painting. Read a book or simply take a walk outside and soak up the sun. Every small step in self-care leads to a happier you!

8. Refusing Acknowledge Your Failure: 

No one wants to dwell on their failures because we’re embarrassed and ashamed. No one wants to be told that they are not perfect. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. 

NO ONE IS PERFECT! For that reason, we need to accept our failures. Understand that failures aren’t a bad thing. We don’t want to fail, because we view failures as a negative thing. But that isn’t the case.

If we view failure in a positive light, there is much we can learn. When we acknowledge our failures, we can grow from them. For instance, what worked and didn’t work that caused me to fail? Is it truly a failure if you learn something from it? What if that failure leads you to something successful?

Failures are not bad and are not counted against us. What DOES count is the number of times we get back up after a falling. The strength to rise after a failure is one of the greatest strength of all.

9. It’s Ok To NOT Be In Control: 

One of the most stress-inducing times in life is when I am unable to control the things, thoughts, and places around me. Controlling every aspect of my life down to the nitty-gritty is something I always do. 

What infuriates me the most is when things don’t go according to plan. But, let’s face it – Stressing about how things don’t work 100% perfectly isn’t going to make the situation better. It doesn’t have to be 0% or 100%. 

It can be 50% today. Then I can work on the other 50% tomorrow. We just have to understand that it’s not the end of the world today if we don’t complete every task on our list.

These little pieces aren’t the big decisions that would change my life. That’s why I’ve come to the realization that it’s ok to be messy. Give yourself a break. Also, allow yourself to take breaks on the little things so you can conquer the big things. Take a step back so that you can look at the bigger picture!

10. Let Go Of Clutter: 

I don’t know about you, but I found myself holding on to clutter – especially clothes. For years, my closet has been filled with things that still have tags on. Things like items that I only wore once, things that no longer fit, and things that I bought in hopes of losing weight.

These things were wasteful clutter that I didn’t need and took up space in my house. It didn’t help my self-care either because these things were items that didn’t bring me joy. They were just there to take space.

How to declutter? Like Marie Kondo says, follow the KonMari way. If you haven’t seen Marie Kondo on Netflix, it’s a must-see! Start by editing your current wardrobe.

Then apply this method to your household, your office, your car, and any other space that might be filled with unnecessary “stuff”. After decluttering, be mindful of what you add to it. 

If you wear a jacket from the past year that brings you joy, keep it. If not, donate it, resell it, or give it to someone who will use it.

Finding Yourself Again

After breaking these habits, you will see improvements in your life. As for me, I subconsciously forgot to take care of myself for so long, my whole world crashed without a warning.

I’m sure my body gave me signs. But I ignored it. I pushed my inner Paxia away with every fiber of my being because her needs weren’t as important as all these other people.  

After a period of soul searching, crying hysterically to my husband, and accepting that I was unhappy, I realized that life was not as bad as I thought it was at the moment. I came to the understanding that my life was just a culmination of all MY decisions to that point. It was no one else’s fault. I was in a dark place as a result of neglected self-care and put myself LAST.

While it was a great benefit to have someone to talk to about my depression, my husband was and is still my rock. I’m thankful that he was there and was the right person to talk to. He helped me change my perspective on life and change course. 

“Your life up until now is NOT a failure. You only think it is because your trapped in th moment. You have achieved many things for someone your age. Although you are not where you need to be, you will get there. All you have to do is change the course. That’s all” -Nou Lee

Changing Course

What I thought was my world falling down, was just my failure to meet my expectations. Since I failed to achieve my goal, I thought that was the end of the world. However, failing to meet expectations is not the end of the world.

In our minds, our world is crashing and we try to grasp onto every broken piece as if it is the last.  On the other hand, in reality when we fail at something – what is the worst thing that can happen? Somebody telling us No! Or we can take a few steps backward and try again. Failure doesn’t define who we are.

The hard truth is that the world does not stop for anyone. It will continue to move forward. No one will even notice that we failed because our failures are insignificant in other people’s lives. So then, what is there to be afraid of? Nothing.

Now, if you don’t like where you’re at, change course. If you don’t like what you’re doing, then you can change that too. It’s just a matter of the direction we want to go next. Starting with these 10 tasks will help you change course while emphasizing self-care because YOU MATTER!

Take care of YOURSELF!

In the end, we are who we decide to be. There is only one way to happiness, that is to be you. Whoever you want to be, just be true to yourself. 

If you like to learn more about depression or get help, you can find it here;

Mayo Clinic – Overview, Symptoms, Cause, Complication, Risk Factors, and Prevention, Contact.

Healthline – Symptoms, Test, Treatments, Preventions, and Etc.

Help Guide – Warning Signs, Symptoms, Contact, and Etc.

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